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(SATIRE–) The Biden campaign is proud to announce that it’s invented a lifelike Joe Biden robot with the help of a Chinese A.I. company. The six-foot-tall “Biden 2.0” model is equipped with an integrated memory circuit that will store data and — you guessed it! — hold memory.
A DNC spokesperson praised the new Biden brain, explaining that this time around, the chip will not hold its memory temporarily, in the same way your standard random-access memory (RAM) would. Instead, the Biden 2.0 will process and store all data in permanent, read-only memory (ROM) fashion.
The Biden robot’s data will be continually updated with direct input from DNC intelligence, whether it be new hoaxes in addition to the “fine people hoax” or preparatory debate questions from friendly reporters. Of course, the 2.0 model will have intense firewalling to shield against any Russian interference that could modify policy formation.
The first public appearance of the Biden bot will be on a CNBC interview. If all goes well, that will be followed by September’s first presidential debate. Ironically, on his last CNBC interview, the real Biden said, “I’m going to beat Joe Biden.” With the Biden 2.0 replacement, that line will definitely be fitting.
Miniature Biden 2.0 toy robots will soon be available online, complete with remote controls, sound effects, and shampoo-sensing technology. Order one for your child today so you can watch his delight as he zooms Mini Biden 2.0 your way, shouting, “Our best days still lie ahead!”